It’s officially summer here in sunny Southern California. To those who argue it’s always summer in this area, they didn’t experience to two weeks of June gloom leading up to the official start to the season.
All joking aside, it’s summer I tend to enjoy and dread the most. On one hand, it’s rather predictable that it’s going to be hot. I mean it’s really warm. Almost 100 degrees everyday. It’s easy to plan for this type of weather. Wear maxi dresses and you’re all set. However, any athletic activity outside sucks.
I know we’re lucky because we don’t have to deal with any humidity and I completely agree with that. We only deal with a dry heat and that’s not bad at all. It still doesn’t make for a pleasant run when you feel like your feet are on fire from the heat of the ground and your face feels like it is melting off. In order to avoid dehydration and a sunburn is to run when the sun comes up at 5am and even then, it’s already 70 degrees outside.
I promised myself I would focus on training for the Chicago Marathon because I didn’t want to just get through it like I had the Los Angeles Marathon. I took the summer off from any races to make it happen. My last half marathon was Rock n’ Roll San Diego and I don’t run another one until SeaWheeze in August. Between now and then, I’m trying to get my groove back.
When I ran in San Diego, it was the first time since I found out I was expecting last year that I enjoyed running. I don’t so much hate running or anything. I just haven’t been able to get it together. My pace is hella off from where I was before I got pregnant and I feel defeated because of that. It sounds ridiculous, but I haven’t been able to get over that mental block.
I start off strong and focused, but little by little I begin to doubt myself and before I know it, I’m slowing way down. It’s not because I’m not in shape. I know my body is more than equipped to handle it, but I don’t push myself. I can feel myself giving up and there’s just no feeling worse than that.
I headed back to the gym since it’s just too warm to run outside and did okay. I gradually started to run on my treadmill in the office and began to feel a little more confident. Then I completely changed course and decided I would ride the stationery bike at the gym to mix things up. My husband bought me a trailer to put my daughter in, so I could ride my beach cruiser just around the neighborhood. All of a sudden, the bicycle factor made me happy.
Still not 100% on the running. I went on a mini-vacay and went to the hotel gym in the morning before everyone woke up. I rode the bike, but decided to walk instead of run after. I kept thinking I was being chicken and needed to suck it up and try. It never happened.
In less than fifteen weeks, I’ll be in Chicago. I know I need to get in the right frame of mind, but am just not there. What’s worse is I know I can finish, so the fear of not completing the race isn’t something I can use as a means to shock myself into training. What is wrong with me? I know I love running and I know I want to run, but I can’t actually do it. There’s this great disconnect inside of me and I need to get it together.
I just need to run.